THE PERSONALITY DRIVERS AND HEART ILLNESS: PLEASING OTHERS PERSONALITY
Pleasing Others personalities become anxious when they perceive others as being in need of help, support, or understanding. They give excessive nurturing to others for two reasons: (1) To do so feels natural and personally gratifying; and (2) they have an underlying hope that caring for others will lead to their being appreciated and nurtured in return. This way of living often leads to exhaustion and periods of withdrawal; shouldering the emotional needs of others can wear you out. Most of us have no trouble giving ourselves permission to take a break from being a caretaker occasionally, but Pleasing Others personalities may experience extreme guilt and anxiety if they actually do say no to others.
This coping pattern can result in various unhealthy reactions to illness. For example, because they do not clearly express their own emotional needs, Pleasing Others personalities may go through the rehabilitation process filled with feelings of loneliness. This difficulty with self-expression even leads some such people to remain quiet about medical concerns when visiting their physicians. As one person explained, "My cardiologist is the most caring man! I can see how badly he wants me to get well. I just hate to disappoint him by complaining about my chest pains."
Pleasing Others personalities also blame themselves excessively for any discomfort they cause others. Guilt is an inevitable consequence. In this vein, heart patients may blame themselves for putting their families "through all this." In parallel, Pleasing Others family members may blame themselves "for not having done something to prevent this illness from happening." The guilt is never quite soothed, regardless of how hard such people work to please others. Because of their constant guilt, they never feel quite satisfied with rehabilitation efforts, their own or their partner's.
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